Are you comfortable with being yourself?
*NOTE: This is a guest post from Hajra Khatoon of Hajra Kvetches! Please take the time to read and share this post, thank you!*
I hate the Twilight saga.
There, I said it. I hate it – the books, the movies. They don’t make sense. Maybe this entire Vampire thing really doesn’t. Or the films sometimes don’t make sense at all, but I just hate Twilight. I watched two of the films and vowed never to get near a Vampire saga again.
Now those of you, who want to come and attack me for this, go ahead. I will fight to my last human breath or probably will just give you the last word because I am determined not to get into Vampire conversation. They just don’t “bite” me.
So, what does this post talk about? Not movies, definitely not about Vampires; but that it is okay to not go with the flow. It is completely okay when you are yourself. It is absolutely fine when people don’t like your choices.
Your choices are your own and no one else can change that.
Yes, just because a zillion others like something and go gaga over it doesn’t mean that you are any less because you don’t like it. I am going to be unique in my own little ways; however that might be.
Let’s take me:
As a teenager, I hated parties. Yes, the loud, music blaring, late night get together, sneaking out of the house, I didn’t like that routine. If I wanted to go to a party, I simply asked my parents, if they said yes; I would go. And they mostly said yes, because I never wanted to. Maybe I was shy, maybe I was whatever everyone branded me; but it was who I am and there was nothing wrong with me. As long as it wasn’t getting into the way of my growing up and all that holistic approach, I was all right. I had my own group of friends, did well at studies, got into a good college, had other hobbies which I totally indulged in and just got on fine with life. Call me boring, but that’s who I am.
Let’s take someone big:
J.K. Rowling. (Yes, it is Stuart’s blog and he forced me into mentioning someone English!) A lady who got rejected many times, but still believed her “magic” would work. And worked it has. Super-duper phenomenally well. Not because she listened to what others appreciated but what she thought was her own distinctive story.
Let’s take someone bigger:
Lady Gaga. Does it get any bigger than her? Probably not for anytime soon. She wears different, what many call “weird”; even wore meat to an event; colors her hair “all funny”; but she does her job well. She sings beautifully, writes lovely songs and is doing just fine. Should she just be dressing all proper to prove her point and should she ‘conform to standards’ to prove her point. Not necessary.
So where am I going with all this?
Nowhere. I am staying right here and telling you that it’s okay to have your own choices. If you don’t like something, don’t force yourself into liking it just because everyone around you went after it or found it WOW!
Wow is what you like, wow is what you want, wow is what you need, and wow is what you do; everything else is just plain irrelevant.
If you don’t like it, don’t do it. There doesn’t stand much to gain if you want to please others. Why waste time in pleasing others doing something or being something that you aren’t. Have your choices, have your own tastes, even if they stand out in the crowd. People will like you for what you are and that is all that matters.
Do you have choices that stand out? Did you decide to break out of the crowd and be yourself? If you have, I salute you. If you haven’t; it is time to!
I blog at Hajra Kvetches! I started the blog when I was unemployed and thought life makes people way too serious. So we might kvetch; but kvetch and make fun right back at life makes it all the more interesting. So, I am just laughing right back at life. Maybe we might get serious; but we always tickle the funny bone and think! I also blog serious blog stuff as a team member on We Blog Better.
Image courtesy of spouliot
{ 100 comments… read them below or add one }
“Wow is what you like, wow is what you want, wow is what you need, and wow is what you do; everything else is just plain irrelevant.
If you don’t like it, don’t do it.”
Perfect!
Great post Haija.
Frank Dickinson recently posted..Build a Better Blog With LiveFyre
Hey Frank,
Pat on the back for being here first.. even before I could manage it!
Thanks so much for appreciating it! We should definitely know that wow is what we want wow to be!
Thanks again!
Have a great day!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Works like a charm!
Ditto what Frank said:)
Kaarina Dillabough recently posted..10 Steps to Boost your Creativity to Benefit your Business and Your Life
Thanks so much
You are just the sweetest! 
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Learning to “be myself” is one of the most challenging lessons I’ve had to learn. From the moment that we are born, people are teaching us and telling us who and what we should be or should not be.
It takes courage and clarity to tune in to who we really are and follow our own vision. Great post, my friend!
Steve Rice recently posted..Espresso Shot Quote: Albert Camus
Hey Steve,
So glad to find you here…
Yes, we are molded by in so many ways that it becomes a challenge to stand out and make your own choices, but learning to accept who we are and what we do can be tough but we can always try!
Thanks!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Hey Steve, thanks for stopping by at Unlock The Door today!
Yeah, who we are is one of the biggest questions of life we could ask ourselves. Very few get anywhere close to an answer. But it doesn’t stop us trying
Hey Stuart,
Thanks so, so much for giving me this opportunity and also for accepting my post! I thought if I write anything against vampires people will beat the crap out of me… all black and blue! But yay!
This topic is so close to my heart, being comfortable in our own skin and I get to write about it, thanks so much! You have been the perfect guest blogger – host!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Hajra, it was my absolute pleasure to have you here today, and your post was brilliant. A fine addition to the Unlock The Door blog-reel!
Thanks
Here I was getting all excited that you were going to dump on the Vampire rage crossing this planet (do you think it is related to the oligarchs sucking the money from the proletariat
?), but, instead, you covered a much more important topic.
The ability to make one’s choices in life.
And, you did it well.
You sucked the juices out of those who travel lemming-like in throngs…
Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA recently posted..Obesity buster?
Hey Roy,
I would go on about it, but for many reasons, I rather let it be; before I know it, vampire lovers might hunt me down and my blood will be… you know it!
The ability to make one’s own choices may be tough but it sure is liberating. I hope I did
Thanks!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Hey Roy, pleasure to have you here amigo, thanks for stopping by!
Hey Hajra!
I have a confession to make: it’s not that I hate vampires, it’s that they don’t do anything to me. They leave me indifferent. So maybe some of us just don’t get vampires, and I am one of them…
As for making our own choices, I couldn’t agree with you more. Even if sometimes we get it wrong. It is all part of the game!
MuMuGB recently posted..Pressing Needs
Hey Muriel,
Totally understandable. Like my sister reads this and tells me “If you hate them so much, why watch the sequel” Now I am wondering, why did I watch the part two. If they don’t bother us, we should let them be, maybe they won’t stick their fangs all over us.
Trail and error it can be, but at least we take joy in the fact we gave it a try and we made our own choices and have no one to blame but us; or taking joy in the fact that we did what we wanted!
Thanks so much, Muriel!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
That’s a good point you touch on Muriel – even if we get it ‘wrong’, we’re still being ourselves. Thanks
Hi Hajra,
I’ll start off by explaining why I love Twilight. It’s not because the books are beautifully written or the movies are spectacular. Twilight got my sister (who always hated to read) to start reading and loving books. I joined in so we’d have something to share that she was really excited about. Today, she’s always reading one book or another. And, she’s doing better in her college classes. So yes, I love vampires.
Now, back to the point of your post. When I was growing up, I was always different. I struggled to be like everyone else, to do what my friends did. That never worked for me. Once I figured out that being different was an asset instead of a burden, I became a much happier person. I’m not constantly worrying about what other people will think of me if I don’t follow the expected life path. I just live my life how I want to live it, and I don’t apologize for doing it.
Outstanding post Hajra!
Marianne Worley recently posted..How I Knew I Would Lose My Job the Day Before it Happened
Hey Marianne,
So, something good out of all Vampire craze… well, there’s a different twist to it all together! The books were engaging to some extent and if it helped instill such a great habit and love for books in general for your sister then yayy! Nothing beats reading books
And now you have a brilliant reason to love Vampires!
I am so happy you shared that with me. I hated teenage years most of the time because I was so different and sometimes I did get bogged down by the idea that “I am different, maybe I am weird”. Going your own way, choosing your own choices even if they stand out makes a huge impact in shaping our confidence and making us the person we are.
And you shouldn’t apologize for any of that! Great going, loved your input!
Thanks so much for stopping by, you added a lot of glamour to the post!
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
You sure know how to leave awesome comments Marianne, thanks for adding to the conversation so well!
“Once I figured out that being different was an asset instead of a burden, I became a much happier person” – brilliant
Heard the other day the the author of the Twilight books hates what they have done to the TV and movie plots. And vampires are solo males so the story makes no sense especially with all the pretty boys.
But your point is a really valid one Hajra – be yourself. Sometimes people may not like you but they just miss out on the wonder of knowing you and sometimes, you really don’t need them in your life.
Great post for both of you. Thanks for sharing
Roberta Budvietas recently posted..Different Imperatives get different generations stuck
Hey Roberta,
I should catch hold of that “interview”. Pretty boys are jut to get the female attention and the teenagers all crazy; I mean name a girl who wouldn’t go all crazy over Robert Pattinson (see Stuart, again English!)
I would so agree. People are just scared that others may not like them for what they truly are, well there are loads others who would and making your own choices and being true to yourself will add glamour anyhow.
And it helps out to “get out of stuck”… eh?
Thanks so much…
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Robert who?
Oh okay, I get it… guys hate him for obvious reasons!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
I will always have better hair than Robert. At least that’s what I tell myself
Hey Roberta, you make an excellent point there – people, through their ignorance, miss out on knowing who you really are.
Thanks for stopping by!
I’m with you on the vampire stories, Hajra ~ I don’t like them. I am really not into any kind of fantasy or science fiction. You made a good point about making your own choices and not going along with the crowd. Peer pressure is real. It is very important to be your own person.
Janette Fuller recently posted..Feeling Blue Card Challenge
Hey Janette,
Seems like many people here don’t like them, maybe all of us are just getting old
Or we should get in Vampire buffs to give in their points.
Peer pressure is tough, if it makes you excel for better and strive harder and move ahead then it is understandable but peer pressure makes people do things they might not want to and sometimes a lot of choices and decisions totally uncalled for. You raised an important here… peer pressure is certainly something that can be discussed on why people choose to conform to things they really don’t want to.
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Peer pressure is very real Janette, and deserves due attention to move past it, on the way to becoming a better and happier human being.
Thanks for stopping by at Unlock The Door
Hi Hajra,
I too am not a Twitard. It’s good to hear the real messages we should be learning instead of following the whims of a crowd.
Good work here.
Bryce Christiansen recently posted..Why Game Designers Are Better Motivators Than Your Boss
Hey Bryce,
Thanks so much… twitard is a cool new word I just learnt! Thanks so much for the appreciation
Hajra recently posted..Happy Birthday to my Blog
Never heard of that term before Bryce, I’ll remember that if the conversation turns to Twilight. Thanks
Glad I could help
Bryce Christiansen recently posted..Why Game Designers Are Better Motivators Than Your Boss
I think I saw one Harry Potter movie, maybe. I did see Lord of the Rings. I have no idea what Twilight is! I hate vampires. Bela Lugosi was OK.. but then I am dating myself. I love peaceful events, movies with happy endings, books with happy endings. There is too much in the real world that is full of tragedy, I see it every night in the news. Lady Gaga? Heard the name…
Barbara
Barbara recently posted..Early Dawn Beach Patrol
Hey Barbara,
Lol! I’ve read ALL of Harry Potter books, haven’t watched all though; Lord of rings in awesome
It’s okay if you don’t know what twilight is… Bela Lugosi was a hunk 
I like movies, actually I love them! I don’t have any specific genre I enjoy but there are many favorites!
There actually is too much tragedy but movies are a wonderful way to make everything just all right.
Loved your comment!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Lord of the Rings is fantastically awesome, and really thrilled me to watch, and read the books. I still think the books are better!
Thanks for stopping by and adding to the conversation Barbara
I would never fault someone for not liking the things I do. That goes against everything I’ve ever believed in. There are many many things that majority love and I either never heard of, don’t care to hear of, or dislike a lot. I have never read one Harry Potter book or seen a movie. I have never watched one episode of Survivor or American Idol. I couldn’t name one Lady Gaga or Katy Perry song. But alas, I do love my vampires! My love has gone back very far though so don’t call me a bandwagon jumper (my fascination began about 1979). I too hate Twilight. As a vampire lover the fact that these so called vampires don’t even have fangs irks me to no end! Anyway, I’m going off on a tangent. Me and my Bela Lugosi tattoo just wanted to to say, agree with your post. Be yourself, love what you love and whoever doesn’t like it, tough.
Lalia recently posted..My 7 Links – Be Afraid!
Hey Lalia,
Great to see you here. Branding someone for not liking what we like or having different choices and preferences is probably the silliest thing ever. Every one is special in their own special way and that’s what every human being important.
You didn’t go off tangent, you just made your point. And I would totally agree, everyone has their choices we just need to make sure we are giving others that space too and are truly appreciating them for what they actually are!
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
I’m with you Lalia, I’ve never read a Harry Potter book. They just don’t grab me. And Katy Perry annoys me very much.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting
Oh my… English and not a Harry Potter reader ..shocking! The importance of being me emphasized!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
I also don’t like the Royal Family much. Guess I’m anti-English now
No problem with not liking them, I am with you on that
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Did you say you were branded? I’ll be that had to hurt; hopefully it wasn’t some big cow art kind of thing.
It’s a fine line from being different and just plain weird. However, if you are comfortable being all out there then more power to you. I like to think I stand out but in a more subtle way; I’m not going to be the loudest guy at the party, or wearing the most flashiest clothes, but I think you will notice me working a room.
You didn’t tell me you were at Stu’s you birthday blog girl you with the new site. I’m sure Stu had some fish and chips for you.
Good post and good points ma’am; good to see you.
Bill Dorman recently posted..How does your friendship grow?
And I was wondering when I would run into Bill… and his comment
I was branded, that’s why I hated school so much. People still know me as the weirdo who we never came to parties and read like all the time! But now, they are thinking of me as the blogger with cool comments and the psychologist who writes too .. kinda blowing my horns but I made it out fine.
I am just happy that I chose to be me.
We would love you in a Gaga-ish costume
and anyways, flashy clothes or not, you know how to make yourself known around and you managed all hat while being invisible.
There is a fine line between different and weird but isn’t weird again what we brand it to be. Many people call Lady Gaga weird but then she is a whole phenomenon in herself. To each his own I guess
Always a pleasure to read your comment! I am sure he did, but he didn’t pass it around….
P.S. I have never had fish and chips ever…
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
I wink more than I write …here’s another one
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Yep, you are right; who get’s to be the judge of weird. I try to be much less judgmental and if it’s working for you, more power to you.
I admire you for marching to your own beat during school. I had a friend who would do that if he didn’t feel like going out with the crowd to party, he would just stay home. I typically succumbed to peer pressure but he was strong enough to do what he wanted to.
Bill Dorman recently posted..How does your friendship grow?
Fish and chips = Satisfaction
Actually I had tea and crumpets for Hajra, the fish and chips were there if she wanted to stay longer
Oh I love tea and crumpets are such a bliss…
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Hi Hajra,
I just stopped by Bonnie’s post before coming over here and it’s basically the same theme. You have choices and you don’t have to do what you don’t want.
It’s easier said than done because sometimes we don’t want to disappointment another person. As I had commented on Bonnie’s post, sometimes it’s a difficult decision for me but down the line, I feel happier.
Diana Simon recently posted..My Blogging Community Features Justin Mazza
Hey Diana,
I haven’t blog hopped as yet! Will have to check out Bonnie’s post now.
Sometimes it gets difficult to be who you actually are but then making that choice an making it a constant habit needs to be differentiated from one another. What might be worth giving up once or twice might not be deserving the effort in the long run. It is you who needs to decide what needs to be done and how, and for whom. Choices are tough but they need to be taken. Also, if one is comfortable in being what they actually are, others would expect nothing less of them.
It gets tough, but it is liberating
Thanks so much Diana, lovely to hear your thoughts on it!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Hey Diana, thanks for reminding us of Bonnie’s post, I’ll be sure to ‘blog-hop’ over there soon
It’s the way of the world I guess Hajra – today everyone like vampires and having tattoos, yesterday it was cabbage patch dolls and New Kids On The Block, tomorrow it could be flourescent handbags and oxygen tents. It’s simple proof that as we are one big tribe of humans plenty will go along with what the masses are following or doing. The key is to say, “Is this me?” and then you’ll discover more of yourself. Like you I’m not into vampires, personally I find them a pain in the neck!
Hey John,
Oxygen tents and flourescent handbags, they aren’t going to get any less common,are they
Is this me is such an effective technique for self evaluation as well as for awareness. Thanks so much for the lovely input, made the conversation so much more engaging
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
John, you always stir up the conversation with your comments, thanks for stopping by today!
Got any fluorescent handbags yet?
Hey Hajra,
I’ve tried to like the Twilight Saga as well, the first book was ok, but the movie, that wasn’t something I finished watching. It was just me, because the whole world seemed to love it. You’re absolutely right though, we should dare to be different. I know that it’s hard to say that you like something that nobody else agrees with, or that you dislike something everybody you know seems to love. It’s a lot easier to be like everyone else, but what’s the fun in that ?
Great post, keep them coming Hajra.
Jens
Jens P. Berget recently posted..How to Focus on Writing When Your Cat is Peeing on the Kitchen Table
There’s always fun when I stand out from the crowd Jens, I feel truly liberated. It feels so ‘right’!
Thanks for adding your voice to the conversation
Hey Jens,
So glad you could stop by! I somehow watched two of the movies, even though I hated it… maybe the pressure to go with the hype made me do it. But yes, I still don’t get it. Being your own self and having different choices might be a tough decision but yes, like you say, what’s the fun in being someone else!
Thanks so much
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Hi Hajra!
Great point well made! If you’re not going to be yourself, who will be!? There’s only one person who can do that job well!
I often find myself standing on the outside wondering why I don’t really want to go in! I’m getting used to it LOL Many of my friends and family members don’t know what a blog is. I’m rarely running with the pack.
As you grow, you stop trying to fit in and let things fit in around you! I think this is something of what the Red Hat Society and that Purple one are about. They’re finished with trying to fit in – they just don’t care. But then again, they do gather with others who wear the same color hats!
Great GP Hajra! We’ll have to get you to do one at LFI. Would you consider doing one over there?
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted..How Does Your Friendship Grow?
Hey Lori,
I am so honored by your presence!
It might just hit a thousand comments!
I love your opening line, we are the ones who will do a great job of being ourselves and that’s the way it should be!
The day I started blogging I made sure I dragged each and every of my family member into reading it
I had no idea about the red hat society, I just checked on that; sounds like fun but then getting together for the same purpose makes a lot more sense. Anyways, to each his own?
I would love to do a guest post at LFI, but you need to get over Bill Dorman’s post
Will get in touch soon
Thanks so much for stopping by! 
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
I have that same situation Lori, most of my family and friends only know about blogging because I’ve repeatedly drilled it into them
Thanks for stopping by
Hi Hajra,
I came over here from your post on Brankica’s wall to learn some vampire tricks to add to my resume. But with your opening line of “I hate the Twilight saga”, I guess I’ll have to look elsewhere to acquire that skill.
Twilight who? Never seen the movie nor read the books. I don’t know why I don’t get to see these overly popular movies: Star Wars et al. But I did see the Lord of the Rings, actually own the box set because I love epic movies.
My close friends know me as the one who often breaks out from the crowd. I have a similar story to yours. When I was living in the UK, I hated going on weekend social drinking with colleagues. You know, we all came into the company from different countries so we were each others friends too. I loved the group (when everyone is still sober
) but everything else about the outing was against my normal way of life. Staying out late, drinking, smoking, sometimes very loud music …
And that was when the ban on indoor smoking in restaurants and pubs had not come into effect. So I always came back from such outings reeking in cigaratte smoke, worse during the winter when I had to wash my heavy winter jackets and my hair before going to bed, else I won’t be able to sleep and the whole flat will be filled with the smell of smoke the next morning.
And you can guess how such a “happy bunny” I was having to put up with the culture shock and doing these sort of tasks at 1am. So after 3 torturous outings, I drew a line on that. Some people didn’t get it at first because going out drinking with friends is regarded as one of the “happiest” things anybody can do especially in the UK and you are seen as grossly anti-social if you’ll let an ordinary cigaratte smoke stop you from “having fun”
But the majority of those who had this opinion are smokers and heavy drinkers who I play chaperon to after the drinking spree. They were afraid that without me in the group, they might wake up in Brighton the next day. 
Yea, I was often always the only sober one in the group after the night out and I made sure we all got off at the correct train station!
Peer pressure is ever so strong these days and it is very hard to resist it and be ourselves without being rebuked. And being able to stand firmly for what you want and what is right is a rare gift.
From your previous posts I’ve read, I see you as someone who is not afraid to be yourself and this post confirms it. Keep it up!
Flo recently posted..Create HTML Contact Form with PHP
Hey Flo, welcome to Unlock The Door! It’s great to meet you
I completely relate to your story – when I was at university, I disliked going out all the time too. The whole idea of stopping up until 4am didn’t appeal, and neither did the pounding headache afterwards! But because all my friends and hallmates were doing it, if I didn’t do it then I’d feel left out. So I drank until I no longer cared.
Today, it’s different. If I went to university now, I’d be much more comfortable doing what I TRULY wanted to do, regardless of what others would think. Today, I actually feel good about myself.
Thanks for stopping by Flo, I appreciate you taking the time to comment
Hi Stu,
Thanks for the warm welcome to your blog and it’s a pleasure to meet you too. From your blog subject matter, I’m looking forward to learning a lot about unlocking life’s opportunities right here.
Ahhh, University campuses are the breeding ground for peer pressure and no one can blame us if we cautiously follow the crowd at that stage in life. That way, we can live that life and leave it behind when we graduate into the real world
Actually, me and my friends were all on our first jobs when my story happened so you can imagine that there were still some remnants of Uni days in our lives.
My reply to your comment didn’t turn up as a reply… sorry!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
No problem, I saw it and have replied to it. It happens to me sometimes too even when I think I clicked the correct reply button
Definitely Flo, I learned a lot of ‘life lessons’ at university, some were harsh indeed.
Hope you like what you read here
Hey Flo,
Posting on Brankica’s wall was one of the smartest decisions… she is such a star herself!
I am sorry but no twilight enlightenment here, only a certain dislike for it. Epic movies are my weakness too!
I am so glad you shared that anecdote with us. It added so much value to the conversation going on here. My best friend did her Masters in the UK and because she was a non drinker she didn’t make it to hangouts and found herself a little lonely at times. But then, the important decision is how you want to see yourself, what makes you happy and what works for you. I am so glad you stood for yourself and your choices. It make you special and it makes you, YOU!
Peer pressure is a very serious issue. Even kids as young as 10 year old are succumbing to peer pressure in many forms. I have a little cousin who already wants to go the parlor at 12 because supposedly her friends are doing it. The key is learning to be empowered, to be mature, to be confident. That Stuart can help us all with… unlocking the door to our inner powers…eh, Stuart?
Thanks so much for stopping by Flo! You brightened the comment box way up!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Tell me about it Hajra. Not drinking is a serious social sin in the UK. Being a non-drinker myself, I know what your friend must have gone through. I mean, how many glasses of coke or juice can you drink on a long night out?
And you don’t want to be sober when the conversation starts to deteriorate 
The good thing is that sometimes, the “happy hourers” may want to do something that does not involve heavy drinking and partying so the loneliness won’t kill us!
And you are so right, pre-teens are the most vunerable when it comes to peer pressure. It is so sad because at that point in time, they do not know their left nor their right and they can very easily be led astray.
Kudos to you for standing up for what you truly choose to be!
So glad you could share your story with us!
Great connecting with you!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Hi Hajra,
I really think so many people are afraid to say what they like and how they want to be. There is a huge problem when we cast out others simply for being themselves. I try always to just be myself, and if someone doesn’t like me because I do not go with the crowd, that is on them.
What a really great post.
Nancy Davis recently posted..All An Illusion
Hey Nancy, it’s a pleasure to have you here at Unlock The Door, thanks for stopping by!
The onus is on them, I agree, but we must remember to not blame others for not liking us. It’s not their ‘fault’. If they choose not to accept us, we can still accept them
Hey Nancy,
So glad you could stop by! The societal pressures to be “the one” make it even harsher for people to be themselves. For some it isn’t a choice and for others its a matter of conformity. Being ourselves is important but along with that we need to appreciate others for what they are. Kind of like a two way street!
Thanks so much
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Thanks, Stu, for having Hajra guest post.
Hajra,
What a post! Certainly I’m with you about the vampires. They’re way overdone anyway and they don’t really have any choices to make except for maybe what blood type agrees with them most. And, apart from morbid seeking watchers, readers, etc. vampires add nothing of value to our or any culture. I’m glad that you challenged the vampire lovers, but I must admit to being puzzled until you got to the point, and a really good one at that. It should be easy being comfortable being ourselves so why do so many people want to be alike? Maybe it’s based on a primordial fear of being left alone, abandoned, having to look out for yourself.
I was always myself simply because I didn’t see any point in being like others, and because I liked being different. Anyway, couldn’t help it because my family was also very different. Peer pressure was always something to avoid. Who cared what others cared about? I cared more about what I cared about and found other people with similar interests.
Being comfortable with yourself is the best way to be. The alternative is to try to be comfortable with everyone else but never quite comfortable in your own skin.
Penelope J. recently posted..My Seven Deadly Links
Hey there Penelope, thanks for stopping by at Hajra’s post today!
I believe the reason why people don’t want to be left alone is because of that primordial fear, as you say – the fear of having to make individual decisions, and of choosing your own path. Few people are prepared for that, and as following the crowd is an easier and more satisfying option in the short-term, people choose that.
Thanks for the wonderful comment Penelope
Hey Penelope,
I am so happy I did this post; this issue is very close to my heart!
I was enlightened by Brankica yesterday, she told me that vampires is a Serbian word to be picked up in the same way in the English language; supposedly Siberia had the first vampire! 
So much for vampire tidbits.
Hmmm… looks like you just described a typical vampire day for us
The fear of being alone and left out is what makes it worse. There are many reasons why people might try too hard to “fit into” – peer pressure, conformity and as you say the fear of being alone. Maybe we as a society as a little harsh and might get too judgmental. It is a two way street, being yourself and appreciating others for what they are. Only if we appreciate others for themselves will everyone be comfortable with being themselves.
I am so proud that so many people stopping here are actually brave enough to be what they are! It takes a lot of determination and yes, makes for a wonderful sense of accomplishment!
Thanks so much for your lovely comment! So glad you could stop by and add so much to the conversation!
Hajra recently posted..Vampires and Being Yourself
Hajra, I couldn’t wait to read this post and see what all the vampire talk was about! =) And I absolutely love the direction you took this article. Stu, thank you so much for hosting this guest piece! =)
This is a topic that hits very close to home for me. I’ve struggled with being “different” all my life because it’s not “normal” to be so different in my family. I can only think of a single uncle who decided to be completely different and he lives, coincidentally enough, in the UK where no other relatives are. And here *I* am in Peru where no other relatives are. =P
But it’s these very challenges, the fact that people ask me why I have to be so different, that have me reassessing who I am. I feel that it makes me more grounded as a person.
This is such an amazing post, Hajra! I’ll definitely be sharing it all around! =)
Samantha Bangayan recently posted..Mishaps in the Andes as Reminders to Be Grateful
Hey Samantha,
The vampire thing sure got all the talk going! Thanks so much for liking it, Stuart is a wonderful person to have agreed so easily, I thought I’d had to “unlock many doors” to get this here
Being an expat and living in a different country can also come in between of what you truly are. I have been an expat all my life and can relate. But in the family you say, that’s a little more tough too. Family expectations is a crucial factor you bring along here. Family support is important but sometimes fulfilling expectations of family members can be a little stressful for the child. Parents have a crucial role in creating that space for their child – allowing them to be the person they want to be, and being appreciating of their actions.
Thanks so much for the input. The discussions on hindrances to “being me” can go on for hours it seems. You just added another one!
Standing up for yourself and being what you truly are can be invigorating yet a little tough. So glad you take your stand
Thanks so much. Have a lovely weekend!
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Hey Samantha, thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with us here!
You say your uncle was the only one being different – I think the fact that he’s living in a different country, as you are, is a great example of being yourself. He chose to follow his heart, his instincts, and if that meant living in a different country, then so be it!
Take care
Hi Hajra,
I’m here, wanted to come and check out your guest post and might I add – great job! I’m right there with you young lady, along the lines of not being like everyone else. I definitely fit that mold and proud of it.
People who know me well know that I never dress for what’s in fashion, I don’t drive the most popular car, I don’t have the latest things and I don’t enjoy doing what others do. Never have and probably never will but that’s okay. I think people appreciate the fact that I definitely have a mind of my own and am not afraid to express it. Those are the people who will be the leaders in today’s society if you ask me. The ones that aren’t afraid to head the opposite direction instead of going with the flow.
Wonderful post and so glad I popped on over. I believe I’ve only visited Stuart’s place a couple times so I apologize for that Stuart. I’ll do my best to come back and visit again soon okay?
Now have a lovely day and Hajra, do it your way!
Adrienne recently posted..With A Little Help From My Friends
Hey Adrienne,
So glad you stopped by! Thanks so much for liking it, means so much! I am so glad you could identify with the “me me’s”!
I can never get fashion… really! I can’t understand half of the “clothes” there but then I think I just ain’t fashion sensitive! People will definitely appreciate the way you are and that is probably your best liked feature! Leaders do have a mind of their own and they are not afraid to make their own choices and be themselves. ‘Going in the opposite direction” is an very interesting sentence here!
You should be over at Stuart’s more often, her writes beautifully and has amazing guest posts like this one
Do come back often! 
Will do it my way!
Thanks so much for stopping by! Loved your comment
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Hey Adrienne, no need to apologise! Come often whenever you can
I reckon you’re right when you say that those who aren’t afraid to be different will be the leaders of today’s society. They know how to stand up and go against the tide if need be, and they know how to resist the temptation of mass opinion. They know how to live, in other words.
Thanks for stopping by
I always march to my own drummer: always have…always will. That is all. Cheers! Kaarina
Kaarina Dillabough recently posted..10 Steps to Boost your Creativity to Benefit your Business and Your Life
Hey Kaarina,
Salute to you for doing that! I am really glad that people like you have the courage and the freedom to do that… and marching, like literally
So glad you stopped by! Thanks!
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
That’s all that needs to be said Kaarina
If you won’t just be yourself …
Then who will be you for you?
Reading your post instantly reminded me of the following quote from Judy Garland that melds nicely with your message: “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”
I’m very much an introvert — have been as far back as I can remember. I never used to tell people that fact about me. In my mind, being an introvert was somehow “less” than acceptable and I tended to think people would find me “boring” if they knew.
But then I realized hiding the fact wasn’t going to do me a hill of beans good. I am who I am!
And I also came to the conclusion I don’t care for “labels” — especially the labels people pin on others. And I like people with imperfections. I don’t want to know any “perfect” people. I want to know people like myself who get hiccups, flat tires, the flu, and who put their pants on one leg at a time.
I magnetize toward “right off the cuff” people — those who tell it like it is. People like YOU, Hajra!
Thanks for a post free from vampires!
Melanie
xoxo
Melanie Kissell @SoloMompreneur recently posted..Delivering A Pregnant Idea
Hey Melanie,
Your opening sentence made all the difference.
I can’t imagine you being an introvert, your posts are filled with such energy, makes it sound like that you are the same energetic person! So glad you got over it! Labeling is a such a stigma I must say, mostly why teens in school go through so much of trouble because of the labels associated with their persona.
Imperfections just make us he perfect we, the we others with like and more importantly the we, we like!
Thanks so much!
Lol! I am so glad my telling it like it is has won a fan
Free from vampires is what my post will always be…
P.S: You have young girls, they must be all twilight crazy…?
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Hey Melanie, thanks for stopping by, your comment is very much appreciated!
I, like you, am an introvert, and also like you, I didn’t accept it to begin with. I did things I wasn’t comfortable with because they meant I would have been ‘accepted’ amongst the crowd, and so I felt a little better. But deep inside, I was hurting ever more because I wasn’t being true to myself.
Today, I have accepted that who I am is exactly what I am, and there’s no need to change anything for the sake of pleasing others. If I change, it’ll be on my own terms, not anyone else’s.
Take care
Hi, Hajra.
I love the Twilight Saga, the books and the movies, not because they are great per se but because they represent dreams achieved (in the case of Stephenie Meyer although the writing is purely for adolescents but works) and fighting for what you want no matter what it may be (in the case of Bella and Edward’s love story). You see, even if a lot of people have already trashed the Twilight Saga (my cousin most of all, who describes the book as juvenile, to the extent that he also described my writing on the book I am working on now as the same) I, being the child-like person that I am, would like to see the redeeming factors of the saga.
I know a lot of people love Twilight saga and others may see me as going with the tides. But, if people will ask me why I do love it, I have an answer (the one mentioned above) that would be different to theirs. I don’t swoon when I see Edward, but I see the strength of his character. I don’t wish to be as lucky as Bella for bagging an immortal with immense wealth, but I see her conviction in following her wishes no matter the dangers she face.
See, we all have our reasons on being who we are right at this moment. I, for one, went for my dream of writing even when my family told me before that it won’t feed me and my family. I married the guy my father and relatives didn’t approve of because I believed that when fate made our paths cross when I was still nine and then again ten years later was because we were destined to be together (no matter how ludicrous that sounds). We all have to make our own choices in life and no matter what their outcome, we have to accept them. We have to stand up for what we believe in because if we won’t, then how can we say that we are the persons we want to be.
Gak!! I’ve written half my usual post…:D I got a little carried away, sorry.
P.S. Hi, Stu. You got a winner in this post here. Cheers!
Kim Davies recently posted..The Goodness of Lasagna and 3D Renderings
Darn… my reply didn’t turn out as a reply! Sorry about that!
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Kim, I agree 100% with what you say. Your life is your own to live, and though others can give out good advice from time to time, and though they love you very much, the final decision will always lie with the Owner and Chairperson of your life – YOU.
I salute you for having the conviction to follow through on your intuitions, no matter what anyone/everyone else said. I wish I did that in my teens, but I’m grateful now for being able to have this awareness today, and not a moment later.
Take care Kim
Hey Kim,
So glad you could stop by and give the oh so awesome comment! And you convince us that having your own choices is important and you have very good reasons for it. The importance of standing up for your own choices and having your own stand all the more emphasized. Bella and Edwards also stand up for choices which they like and that’s what the whole message was all about.
I loved that you shared your story with us. Everyone has certain beliefs which are close to our heart and only we can stand up to them and make choices we truly believe in. It takes a lot of courage for some to do just that and hats off to you for making your own decisions and choices. None of it sounds ludicrous. Actually, you just epitomize the power of making choices.
I am so glad you commented; I loved it! No sorries!
Thanks so much, hope you have a lovely weekend!
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Well, well, Hajra! Nice job. Eloquent, to the point and completely focused on your point. Kudos!
I’ve been “out of the closet” with my individuality for years. I just couldn’t hide it. Tried for a few months when I was young, and realized it wasn’t worth it! So I agree with you totally. Don’t go with the flow, don’t give in to the masses, and be yourself and be proud of it.
That said, I have a terrible confession. My best friend was over, and she loves Twilight. I didn’t have any interest, but I was online anyway, and didn’t care what she watched. She put on the movie, and I’ll be damned if I didn’t end up interested! How to explain this bizarre aberration on my part? I can’t! It is what it is, and it will be what it will.
Then again, that fits too, doesn’t it? Because it doesn’t matter to me what anyone thinks! ;D
Paula Lee Bright recently posted..Life Posts a Tribute in Pictures to Steve Jobs
“Don’t go with the flow, don’t give in to the masses, and be yourself and be proud of it.” – I think that sums it up nicely Paula Lee, thanks for adding that to the conversation!
The ultimate aim is to stay true to yourself, no matter what else happens, and no matter who it is that tries to dissuade you. Be true to you
Hey Paula,
Thanks so much, I am grinning from ear to ear! It totally isn’t worth the trouble, really! I am so glad you did it like you want to. It’s okay, we are not going to judge you liking twilight; to each his own. Like at one point when I was into all “serious” movies and stuff and my best friend was into romantic comedies. I kept thinking I didn’t like them and was all about “oh – so -proper” Oscar nominated movies; I watched My Best Friend’s wedding and got hooked on to romantic comedies!
There isn’t anything bizarre about it, it is what it will be! Our choices after all. No issues there!
Thanks so much for stopping and telling us all about being the Twilight lover
Hope you have a great weekend!
Hajra recently posted..Psychologist… Boo!
Fantastic post Hajra. I myself love Vampire stuff – but detested the whole Twilight thing. Of course, I came into it during the Anne Rice era…where the characters were a lot more gutsy. But then, that’s what I like, and it’s my choice – just like you said. I know as a teenager I succombed to peer pressure way too many times, and just went with the flock…because I wanted them to like me. To hell with that now! And kudos to you.
Janine recently posted..Tomorrow is a new dawn. A new day. A new life?
Couldn’t agree more with your sentiments Janine, to hell with that!
Thanks for stopping by
Hey Janine!
So nice to see you here!
Being a teenager was awful and especially when others called you he “book nerd” and all and when your eyes decided to have an accessory! I did read your thoughts to teenage self post and that applies so well here!
Making others like us is on of the most difficult activity as a teen and somehow also holds quite a lot of relevance as we grow up! But yes, to hell with that now!
Thanks so much! Hope your enjoying your freedom!
Hajra recently posted..Bill says Versatile
I never liked the Twilight Saga, not because of the actors or the storyline, but because their vampires sparkle.
It’s always better to stay who you are and do what you love. Never get forced into acting like someone you’re not because you might lose your own identity among all the copies in the world.
Josh Sarz recently posted..25 Years Of Wisdom In One Blog Post
Very good point Josh, we aren’t anyone else – we’re just ourselves.
Take care
Hey Josh!
Thanks so much for stopping by! Sparkly vampires, now there’s one point I hadn’t noticed at all! Losing one’s own identity is so true, we get carried away and lost in a world we were not meant to be in the first place!
Thanks again!
Hajra recently posted..The Beauty of Differences
{ 1 trackback }