Don't like the rules?
*NOTE: As promised, here is the second guest post for you, as written by Rahul Singh. Please take the time to read this wonderful and inspiring guest post, and leave a comment below. Thanks!*
Once, while flipping through channels on TV, I chanced upon something on the Discovery channel. They were explaining how human kids, as they grow up, have a decided advantage over other primate infants – human kids learn primarily by copying their seniors and obeying their commands, and thus learn faster.
As kids, we all look up to our parents. We all learn from teachers, friends and society. This is all good and fine while we are kids. But, over time, we start seeing incongruencies in what we are told. Questions and doubts start cropping up.
When this happened to you, what did you do? Did you seek answers or did you just continue with the tried and tested ‘follower role’? A lot of people don’t grow out of their childhood tendency to follow what they are told. They don’t become independent thinkers. If you are one of them, the points below might make you reconsider your attitude.
You become like the ones you follow.
Following the rules others tell you will lead to the same results they have got. It then makes sense to not follow those whose results in life you don’t want to recreate. If you have to follow, follow the rules of those who are living the life of your dreams.
In his popular book, ‘Rich Dad Poor Dad’, Robert Kiyosaki reveals the different sets of rules that both his Dads lived by. Robert decided to follow the rules of his Rich Dad because he wanted to be rich.
Look at what you want. Whose rules are you following? Are these two congruent?
We are not perfect.
We are humans, not divine. We make mistakes of all kinds. It follows that any rule we have formed, even if followed by large numbers, can be a mistake, and it can be wrong. There are a lot of examples to this effect in history. A lot of people believed in the existence of witches a few centuries ago. Galileo and Coppernicus had a tough time explaining a heliocentric model of the world (planetary bodies revolving around the Sun) to a society that believed in a geocentric model (everything revolving around the Earth). Galileo was even placed under house arrest for this!
Just because a rule is followed by everyone around you, doesn’t make it right. Question and seek out the rationale behind everything.
Growth requires you to question things.
I had a physics teacher in school who was very popular with the students. The reason for his popularity was that, unlike other teachers, he encouraged us all to question everything he taught us. This promoted better understanding of concepts and liveliness in the class.
The same results can be reproduced in life by following the same procedure. Question everything, and don’t take any rule for granted. You will not always get a teacher to guide you. Hence, you will have to test out your hypothesis on your own and see the results. In life, this is the only way to grow over and beyond the common level of understanding, and gain further wisdom.
There is a limit to which a child grows by copying others. As we become adults, we need to constantly question established rules and try new things to learn and grow.
Why did nature endow us with brains?
The biggest difference between humans and animals is that we have highly developed mental faculties. Why do you think we have them? Are they to keep without use? Are they an unnecessary burden on our beings?
I believe not! All that the human race has achieved in this world, including its supremacy in the animal kingdom, is because of its brain power. Why not use it then? Why not question things, find new ways, find new meaning in life? Why doesn’t each one of us experiment with life and develop our own wisdom?
Just copying your way through life is such a waste of your potential. Question and seek, gain in knowledge. Share it then with those who learn similarly, and learn from them too.
Rahul writes about living a conscious life on his blog, RahulSpeaks. His interests include philosophy, personal development, analytical reasoning, martial arts, motorcycles, travel and writing. Get your free copy of his eBook here : The Eight Pillars of Lasting Happiness.
Image courtesy of The Next Web
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Rahul,
Good points here….life is too short to copy others, and blindly follow rules.
Rules are frameworks. In some cases it’s good to follow rules, to develop some sense of order. In other cases, the small still voice within tells you to go in the exact opposite direction of the majority rule. You must listen. You must break certain rules.
Also keen to note who set the rules. Conformists? Well, if that’s the case, don’t follow. Because conventional thinking is fine for those seeking to live a conventional life.
Thanks!
Ryan
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..Constant Change
Hi Ryan, great to see you here at Unlock The Door!
I like your thinking here – rules are a form of framework. This doesn’t necessarily make it bad, but frameworks are there to help us get a grasp of our current reality. But because everybody’s realities are different, we all require different frameworks. And yet, people don’t recognise this, so we follow the frameworks of others, because they’re in the majority. It must work for them, so it must work for us too.
Thanks for commenting Ryan
Hi Rahul, Hi Stu!
I really like this! I’ve been a rule-follower for most of my life (when I was a child it was called a “good girl” – ugh!) and I can’t say that I’ve really broken many rules, but at the same time, I never accepted 100% of anything anyone said as gospel, not even the gospel
I was in a generation raised to do it this way “because I say so”, but we tried to raise out children according to wisdom of Barbara Coloroso who said children needed to be taught TO think, not WHAT to think! We need to question everything, and think for ourselves.
“Why doesn’t each one of us experiment with life and develop our own wisdom?” Well said!
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted..What Childhood Memory has Influenced You Most?
HI Lori,
Glad you like this post. I can relate to what you are saying. I was once a blind rule follower too.
I too felt uncomfortable with a lot of these rules. With time, I grew out of the follower mode and am so thankful for it.
I think you are giving a wonderful gift to your kids by teaching them to think and question.
More wisdom to you.
Best wishes…
Rahul Singh recently posted..Can you ever make a right decision?
Hi Lori, thanks for stopping by for Rahul’s guest post!
I know, from your book, (great book btw) a little about your past, and I think this post can definitely apply to you. Rules are set for us by our parents and peers because they want what’s best for us, but no matter how hard they try, and can never know what’s truly best for us, because they aren’t US. And so, we must choose our own rules, and our own path.
Take care
Rahul
Absolutely true. You know what, I meet so many people who do something because someone else did it and succeeded. They follow tried and tested formula rather than creating a one.
What’s surprising is, not many will be able to exactly achieve the same level of success that their role model person has achieved. Because their inspiration for achieving something is externally driven, not internal.
So, one has to ask, explore and understand things and do them in a different way rather than blindly following a tried and tested path. Who knows, he may create a new way of doing things.
Naveen Kulkarni recently posted..7 Easy and Practical Ways for Saving Money
You reminded me of a time when I was a small kid and was playing chess with my Uncle. He was very good and would beat me every time. I then came up with a killer idea, I decided to make exactly the same moves that he was making.
You probably can guess the result, he came up with the checkmate first and I lost, again.
Copying others neither ensures the same result nor allows our own potential to flourish. We owe it to the world, and ourselves, to add our own unique touch to it.
Thanks for your comment.
Rahul Singh recently posted..Can you ever make a right decision?
Yes Rahul,
Everyone is unique and that’s what make world so special
Naveen Kulkarni recently posted..20 Best Blogs on Simplicity And Minimalism
Hi Naveen, thanks for stopping by!
I remember Jonathan Fields saying that “if we want to succeed like no-one else has, then we need to forge our own path. If we want to live our own life, and not emulate the deeds of others, then we need to walk our own road.”
True words indeed, and they resonate with this post
Stu,
Well said.
Walking our road has lots of meaning in it. One may get inspired by many great people/personalities (That’s absolutely great) , still he needs to create his own identity in order to make his mark. Creativity plays a big role here. And of course as Rahul mentioned, break the rule and be different.
Naveen Kulkarni recently posted..20 Best Blogs on Simplicity And Minimalism
You make very good points. I have never been a rule-follower. I much rather seek, question, and form my own assessment of a particular situation. That’s what makes life fun.
Anne @ Psychic Awareness recently posted..5 Steps to a Great Psychic Experience
Totally agree Anne! There is fun in experiencing and understanding life on our own.
Unlike you, I was not always like this. I learned to question rules later, and I am so glad I did.
Rahul Singh recently posted..Can you ever make a right decision?
Hey Anne, I completely agree – it can be difficult at times, but completely forging our own path and playing life by our own rules can also be immensely fun
Thanks for commenting!
Hey Rahul,
Its so lovely to have you here! Loved your topic. I have been a rule breaker as far as I can remember. Like in a post I talked about how I was “different”; but I loved the way I was. There may be many rules all around. sometimes we have to follow them but sometimes we CAN break out of them if they stop the growth and development of oneself. It is not that I hate rules and it is not that I love them. But yes, there are various set of rules but how they apply to each person can well differ. Like I said, rules that hamper an individual from doing something they wish they are capable of and prove a hindrance can well be broken or at least questioned or even done away with.
Questioning things is probably the best way to learn and to discover. I too had this wonderful Physics teacher in school who promised us an extra mark if we asked questions. Undoubtedly, her tactic worked and the love of an extra mark actually made us think and ask questions and initiate conversations.
Brilliant work, a very lovely post indeed! Have a lovely weekend!
Hey Stu, hope your well too!
Hajra recently posted..The Beauty of Differences
Glad you like the post Hajra! Looking at your comment, and the others above this one, it seems we have quite a community of rule breakers here
Yes my emphasis is on questioning the rationale behind rules. In my experience, it is the best way to learn and grow.
Thanks for your kind words. Best wishes.
Rahul Singh recently posted..Can you ever make a right decision?
I will also like to add that rules are not bad, in fact they are necessary for the smooth functioning of society. What I feel concerned about is when so many of us blindly follow them or when we think they are beyond questioning.
They should serve humans, rather the other way round.
Rahul Singh recently posted..Can you ever make a right decision?
Agreed Rahul, rules should be like machines – they should serve us, not the other way round
Hi Hajra, that physics teacher sounds like a great one – if only more teachers were like her!
Rules are all around us, as you say, and in order for us to live by our own means, we have to adopt the rules that fit best with our way of life. Then, we have to continually alter them and modify them, as our experiences grow and our life changes. It’s an ongoing process, but it can also be fun.
And if it isn’t fun, then something needs to change
Hi Guys,
Agreed, it is a complete waste of a life to blindly follow rules set before you by others. Trying to chase success is a waste of time – kind of like chasing the stock market. Always a guaranteed loss there.
Your soul wants to express itself through experiences. I doubt very much that we incarnated to sit around in a cubicle or office following company procedure, decade after decade, for example.
Chart your own course, for your very own reasons. Best way to go.
Julie | A Clear Sign recently posted..The Human To The Universe Reverse Translation Dictionary
It IS the best way to go Julie, life in a small confined box is no real life. It’s life on life-support, in a way.
Thanks for commenting
What really stuck out to me about this article is “that you become like the ones you follow.” That couldn’t be further from the truth. I think that we should evaluate where we want to be in our lives and how we want to feel and learn from others who are already there. But we must be open to it. Some people don’t recognize greatness even when it is in front of them. There was this elite level athlete who volunteered with one of the sports teams at a local high school and the high school coach, who had been delivering the same training program for 30 years, thought that there was nothing he could learn from the elite performer, even though his athletes were doing poorly.
Lisa H. recently posted..12 YouTube Videos That Will Change Your Life or At Least Make You Think About Changing It
Hi Lisa, that’s a great addition to the conversation, thanks for contributing!
I believe it’s a balancing act – we can learn from others up to a point, but THEN we must go out on our own. Like in The Matrix, where Morpheus says to Neo,
“I can only show you the door, you must walk through it.”
Thanks for commenting
Hi Rahul and Stu!
Following rules for the sake of following rules is no way to live. But breaking rules for the sake of NOT following rules is equally narrow minded. Rather, we should use our God-given brains to look at the rules surrounding us and decide which ones make sense and are wise and which ones simply restrict and constrict for reasons that just don’t make sense. Most traffic rules, for example, are good things. I want to follow them and I want others to. As I’ve recently said on Lori’s blog, Life, for instance, other rules are inane. Zero-tolerance policies at schools is an example, where they punish everyone involved in a fight equally no matter who started it and regardless of the circumstances involved. I told my daughter that if she was ever suspended from school for defending herself or helping someone being picked on by a bully, I would take the day off and take her to Disneyland.
Good rules make life livable. Bad rules make life oppressive. Wisdom is to recognize the difference between the two.
Ken Wert recently posted..“I Love You Most-er!”
Oops! Just realized I never said how much I enjoyed the post. I did! So many blogs speak so highly of following your heart. I have no problem with that advice per se, as long as the brain is kept plugged in to monitor what the heart is yearning for. This post is a wonderful reminder that the brain is an important organ as well! Thanks!
Ken Wert recently posted..“I Love You Most-er!”
No worries Ken!
You add a great point, the heart is meant to be listened to, but the head is not to be ignored.
I live life like this: I let my heart decide the direction I want to move towards, then I let my head figure out how to get there
Hey Ken, thanks for stopping by and commenting!
You’re right, we have brains, so why not use them?! Some people take rules too literally, and follow frameworks that are extinct. Others are ‘anarchists’ and ‘rebels’, who don’t even follow the rules which could save their lives.
Trust your gut, and trust your brain
Hi Ken,
. The idea is to question them.
I agree that rules shouldn’t be broken at will. The title was more to catch attention
Society has agreed upon certain laws. They should not be broken, otherwise there will be chaos. But even these laws can be questioned(and should be, from time to time). All around the world, laws are changed to make them better, more in sync with current times.
As for the other, unwritten rules in society(religious, cultural, etc), I think one can always experiment and decide what is good for him/her.
Thanks for sharing your ideas.
Rahul Singh recently posted..The Joy of Bathing
I like this Rahul and Stuart, “Just copying your way through life is such a waste of your potential.”
For myself I like to ask questions and break the rules. guess when I was young some refered to me as a rebel. And i still am.
Right now in this changing world I can see many things happening that I really wonder where they are going to lead people in the future. All the medication that people are taking and following what is said about it. All the foods to eat or not to eat. There are so many rules anymore that if we listen to them all we would not have a life of our own.
I do worry about the children with all the rules. They are told you better not do this, you better not do that, why aren’t we just letting them be themselves and learn from experience like we did?
Anyway I better sign off and not get carried away here, but I love this post and we should all listen very careful to it and not follow so many rules and make our own way.
Thanks again for sharing this post Stuart.
Debbie
It’s a great question to ask Debbie, why aren’t we letting the children figure things out for themselves? Just what exactly are we afraid of?
Thanks for commenting
Hi Debbie,
I agree completely. When I was growing up, my parents did not set too many rules for me and my brother. I am so thankful for that! Now when I see some parents setting too many rules, to avoid even the slightest discomfort for the kids, I wonder how strong they will grow up to be.
But then I check myself. Things are only as bad or good as I make them out to be. I do what I can and then let things be.
Glad you liked the post Debbie and thanks for adding to it.
Rahul Singh recently posted..The Joy of Bathing
Hi Rahul,
I believe that it is ok to follow what our elders show us while we are very young but as we grow older we need to be able to grow in our own unique ways by going beyond the artificial boundaries that were created.
I believe a good definition of a leader is someone who says that I will go first.
Justin | Mazzastick recently posted..The Ego Mind And The Higher Mind
Hi Justin, thanks for commenting!
It can be hard to make our own rules if we follow what our elders do when we’re young. I believe, if the elders can give us the freedom to be ourselves whilst learning about frameworks, we’d be more inclined to set up our own ‘life-rules’
Hi Rahul and Stu,
Your are both right. This is a fantastic post on rules and how we should become independent thinking for a great life. The arguement and debate put out here is worthy of any international congress.
I think rules are made for two main reasons in our society. Firstly, it is made to control people. Just think of all the financial rules that were in place 50-100 years ago. It certainly kept many people from financial freedom. Similar, when mummy and daddy makes certain rules, it was meant to condition our behaviours to conform to somethings to their convenience. I am certainly guilty of this, always setting rules to limit my young tods freedom of actions. At least, I am aware of this.
Secondly, I think rules are made for our own safety. Imagine if safety rules are not around. It would be a very chaotic and dangerous place to live in.
For us to grow, we must set a third kind of rules that we seldom encounter in real life. These are rules of success. What are they? basically these rules help us to form successful habits of success. Once we are conditioned to behave automatically in a positive manner, I think our success is guaranteed. It is in this area of finding the right rules to make that we must be creative and critical of everything around us. Until we are able to think and decide for ourselves, we will never be able to choose the rules we want for success in life.
I like to end with what Buddha said; “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”
Cheers
Jimmy recently posted..How to Be a Success? Embrace the Art of Possibility Thinking
Wow Jimmy, this was a well-thought comment, I’m very impressed with this!
I’ll only add this to your comment – rules should be flexible. I know this may go against an idea of ‘rule’, but the rules of old fall down in the areas that you’ve pointed out – they control people who have their own lives to lead, and they restrict us from fully expressing ourselves.
Thanks for the awesome comment Jimmy
Hi Jimmy,
Thanks for your encouraging words.
That you have really pondered over this at length, shows through your comment. Every sentence is meaningful and balanced.
True, safety rules are required(but should again be questioned from time to time, depending on changing scenarios). True also that, it is the rules that determine our success and happiness, that we must be critical about.
Thanks for adding to the post.
Rahul Singh recently posted..The Joy of Bathing
Great post, Rahul! And a good conversation, Stu! Thanks for facilitating.
I loved “Rich Dad Poor Dad,” and think Kyosaki is one of the most brilliant economic minds of our time (he’s the only financial “guru” that can publish 5,000 books in a series and then tell you he doesn’t know very much on his own.) I love the part in the book where he meets with an up-and-coming novelist who is unwilling to market her own work. He proceeds to ask her what she thought “best-selling” meant and if there was some kind of action to go with that. Brilliant! Who are we following!
Bryan recently posted..Why the WHYs Aren’t Enough: The Power of Strategy
Hi Bryan, you are right – Kiyosaki knew how to market the advice to a wider audience.
I remember reading that little story, it rang true with me because I used to be in the position of the writer, wondering why my ‘brilliant’ writing wasn’t being picked up by anyone. Still, we learn from our experiences!
Thanks for stopping by
Hey Rahul,
I agree – we need to question everything, and educate ourselves. I also think it’s good to keep role modelling people who have the kind of success we want in whatever endeavor, as long as they’re aligned with our values.
Regards,
Matt
Matt recently posted..Jazz… And Effective Meetings?
Hey Matt, thanks for commenting on Rahul’s post – brilliant addition to the conversation too!
Take care